Another Sunrise

 Ashridge Sunrise: iPhone

Ashridge Sunrise: iPhone

“Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work, driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for, in order to get to a job that you need so you can pay for the clothes, car and the house that you leave empty all day in order to afford to live in it.” (Ellen Goodman)

Transition is a slow process; I’m learning that it takes more than just one sunrise.

But I’m awake early these days.

I made this iPhone picture during another morning walk at Ashridge; coffee in one hand, phone in the other, speaking into the voice recorder as daybreak shone into the forest.

Apart from these morning salutations, my sunrises take many forms; they have been conversations with good friends, a shared dinner together, a supportive email, a brief text, a chat around the kitchen table, a passing touch, an unexpected phone call… They have offered moments of illumination, insight and glimpses of a different kind of ‘normal.’

Each gentle (and sometimes not so gentle) encouragement has shifted me. One conversation, one gesture at a time.

Change is a deeply social process.

Every ‘sunrise’ reminds me that we are defined by relationship and I recall the Ubuntu phrase, ‘I am because you are.’ We often live with the illusion that we have an identity; that we are each individually in charge of who we are. But when we learn that it is family, friends, colleagues and environment that makes each of us, the illusion of self falls away.

I know that this is a time for me to be clear in my choices. It is difficult work but I am finding ways to confront myself with my freedom; reaching into the courage required progressively transform. I have lived in the fearful shade of over-work and, like so many, retreat into a ‘be strong’ script where ego, success and status darkly seduce me.

But, as one wise dinner companion plainly told me, “…..that life will kill you.”

As I look around, it’s hard to disagree. It’s killing all of us.

So how can we take small steps towards the sun and support each other with helpful, kind gestures that might let us see the world differently?

As I step away from ‘normal’, I know that I can’t yet see a clear path ahead.

But I’m betting on the sun rising each day.

Notes:

I was stopped in my tracks by this Twitter conversation started by @CaitlinMoran.

This week I’m in Rutland, UK, working with @nicaskew of Soul Biographies. Nic has a great mantra; ‘There is nothing to do, nowhere to go, no-one to fix.’ It’s slowly starting to soak through me.

Listen to Ellen Goodman in Conversation with Lynne Sherr: What do you do after you’ve done it all?


Steve Marshall2 Comments