Restore

“My art is a form of restoration in terms of my feelings to myself and to others.”

Our roses are fading beautifully.

They have become my regular reminder to live in this moment, that life is finite and the joyful relationships around me won’t last for ever.

Four years ago, the roses helped me recover from a burnout that left me medicated, exhausted and in bed for weeks. After my fitful, chemically induced rest had taken its effect, I struggled back to my feet and began photographing the roses to slowly restore my sense of creativity and place in the world. It felt as though I was resetting my priorities and values as I found my way into a different sense of self. A few moments with a camera each day literally brought life back into focus, helping me to appreciate the world around me again.

Though my gentle wanderings would leave me bone-weary, my body gradually started to work again. There were other things too; journalling, meditation, more exercise… Each of them has stayed with me; portals into a more reflective, considerate version of my previously accelerated life.

Today, the process of finding a new place in the world patiently continues as I notice a new sense of identity emerging.

Central to this process is a new relationship to work.

Rather than an intellectual acknowledgement of the insecurities that feed busyness and achievement, I can feel an embodied knowing of how ego is seduced by the status and privilege that over-work promises to provide. I notice now when I am falling into the trap of working without actually considering the nature and context of the work itself. Whether I feel the work is worthwhile, helpful, whether it is my work, or I am simply going through the motions as I cross off the days to the next (working) weekend.

As with all questions of personal purpose, boundaries and meaning, these are no easy answers. There is no ‘one-size fits all.’

Perhaps this is why burnout is so intriguing? Or perhaps we are intrigued because so many of us seem to be teetering at the edge…?

What used to be a badge of exceptional, heroic effort has become a symptom of a wider, deadening malaise in our work and social environments. Without easy prescriptions, even medical intervention is only temporary. And, more insidiously, as burnout tightens its grip, our ability to recognise it and take remedial action diminishes.

We seem now to have an opportunity to address new choices about how (and how much) we work. The long hours, ‘live to work’ fetish of recent years is increasingly seen as a toxic, anaesthetising, disempowering feature of a consumer-driven system struggling to survive. The ‘global growth’ mantra is shattered and we need to reform the pieces anew.

I don’t underestimate the challenges of awaking from our stressed-out stupor, or the collective leadership it will require to rebuild our lives, but I know we can choose a future where we all work less and play more.

I know that I still stumble and occasionally fall on the path of personal restoration.

But that’s OK.

Because now I have time to appreciate the fading roses.

Notes:

The UK Government carefully notes that": “Work-related stress, depression or anxiety is defined as a harmful reaction people have to undue pressures and demands placed on them at work.” The emphasis here is not one of individual resilience or performance, rather a systemic failure of the workplace. And it’s getting progressively worse. Have a look at this report from the Health and Safety Executive

Take a look at Emine Saner’s article: ‘A career change saved my life’: the people who built better lives after burnout.’ She shows us differing routes into burnout and how long it takes to recover - about three years…?

Finally, recovery from burnout is a perfect time to fully reset your life. Take a look at Dr Dina Glouberman’s ‘The Joy of Burnout: How the end of the world can be a new beginning.’ She tells us that, ‘When we burn out, it is our old personality that burns itself out. Then our soul fire begins to light our way and bring us joy.’ So, there is hope…!